3 More Diet Pills That Didn’t Work For Me

I started off in my post “3 Diet Pills That Didn’t Work For Me” describing some of the less-than-optimal experiences I have had with various diet pills. Jumping right into the second half of my list:

1. Hoodia

General Info:

Hoodia is supposed to be an appetite suppressant. On most of the Hoodia websites they provide elaborate stories about starving tribesman in various countries grinding up and eating this plant to stave off their hunger for the days-long hunt. Apparently, starving people being satisfied by tiny amounts of food (which sounds sad but reasonable to me) is intended to make our fat asses believe that eating the same tiny amount (only powdered and mixed with a bunch of things so it is as diluted as possible) will really make that cake look less appealing. Well, I figured at the time, why not give it a shot?

Weight Loss:

Nada. I quickly realized, for reasons I shall explain below, that appetite suppressants will likely never work on me.

Side Effects:

I don’t think it really had much of an effect on me. I was expecting a “full” feeling, possibly accompanied by some bloating, but I just felt normal.

Reason I believe it didn’t work for me:

I tend to eat for pretty much every reason you can think of except for actual hunger. Even if the pills made me less hungry, which I do not recall them doing, I probably would have just eaten whatever I was craving at the time anyway, despite my discomfort. Appetite has little or nothing to do with binge eating, and between binges I tend not to eat very much anyway.

Why it may work for you instead:

If you are one of the many dieters that tries to go about it by legitimately eating less food, I can see appetite suppressants being very useful. I know there are a bazillion brands of Hoodia out there, some of which claim to be more concentrated and effective than others, so if you are really interested in this one do your research before you buy. Or just try drinking a bunch of water with all of your meals, along with any of the other tips I mention in “5 Tips On Eating Smaller Portions.”

2. Acai Berry

General Info:

If you haven’t yet been assaulted by the multitude of “Acai berry changed my life!” (or something to that tune) advertisements, I have no idea how you found my website because you obviously don’t own a computer. Acai berry, I have no doubt, really is a fantastically healthful fruit that is full of antioxidants. Let me say that again. It is an awesome FRUIT. As powdered extracts go, I think it loses a lot of oomph.

That’s not to say that taking acai berry pills does not have its benefits. I figure if there is a smidgen of the antioxidants left in the pills, it might be worthwhile for some people. However, I am not completely sure how this got started as a weight loss pill. Since I don’t claim to know the science behind it, I am writing this review from the standpoint of acai being marketed as a diet pill, rather than a general health supplement.

Weight Loss:

Since you are almost through my second post on “diet pills that didn’t work for me,” I am sure you have guessed by now that this diet pill… uh… didn’t work for me.

Side Effects:

Possible bloating and a teensy weensy bit of nausea. To be fair, however, the acai pills I got came in a “weight loss cleanse” pack, and were to be taken alongside the colon cleansing pills that I will cover in number 3 below. Since the colon cleansing pills are supposed to be sort of the human equivalent of Drano and clear out your insides, I don’t think it is too far fetched to assume that they might have been the cause of the nausea and bloating instead of the Acai berry.

Reason I believe it didn’t work for me:

As I mentioned, I don’t claim to know the science behind why acai berry is considered a weight loss pill, but in my personal opinion, it seems more like a glorified nutritional supplement. I actually did very well with my diet while on this pill regimen, so I can’t blame my overeating for this one.

Why it may work for you instead:

Maybe there really is something to the claim that acai can cause weight loss, and it just didn’t happen for me. However I will advise you to shop around for a good acai berry pill if you are interested, because I think it is sort of in the same position as the Hoodia above – varying qualities depending on the source.

3. Colon Cleanse

General Info:

The makers of colon cleanse products make a living off of the horror you feel when they tell you that the average person carries around several pounds of poop and other matter in their intestines, leaving them feeling sick, bloated, and fat. Luckily, they have a product that will clean you out and help you feel like a lighter, healthier person who is confident in the knowledge that you are not actually as full of s### as you were previously.

I like to imagine (well, no, actually I am horrified to imagine this, but I can’t stop) a tiny squeegee scraping the insides of somebody’s intestines and getting rid of the built up goo. Most of the websites for products like these show what they claim to be ACTUAL CONTENTS of people’s intestines that they have excreted and somehow decided it is a good idea to photograph. Many of these pictures look alarmingly like the person must have swallowed shoelaces, plastic bags, and other things that might be inside you right now.

So again, I figured, in the interests of both science and utter horror, that I should give it a shot.

Weight Loss:

No weight loss. Even if there had been weight loss (and these products claim there could be pounds of difference!), it would not have been from fat loss, which is really what I am going for.

Side Effects:

Again, since I took these alongside the acai berry pills, I can’t determine which ones caused the minor bloating and nausea that I experienced, but I would put my money on the colon cleansers.

Reason I believe it didn’t work for me:

First of all, thank goodness, I did not experience any of the “success” that previous customers were so eager to post publicly online. In fact, aside from the side effects I listed above, everything seemed to function as normal. The pictures I had seen made me so paranoid about what might be inside my intestines that every time I went to the bathroom I had to psych myself up a little bit. I decided when nothing ever happened that maybe the photos on the websites really were from people who enjoy swallowing whole grocery bags and pieces of string.

Why it may work for you instead:

Peace of mind, maybe? To be certain that you aren’t carrying around a swamp monster in your gut may be worth the price of the pills.

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